A Course in Miracles is a spiritual path, prose and poetry, lessons and teaching,
offered for healing, for love, for waking into God. Its words come from a supra-
human Source. I have practiced these words for more than a quarter of a century.
Sometimes The Course feels like a lover…
one that has my back,
one that waxes poetically
to my wounded heart,
one that understands
and Sees me authentically.
Its Words spill like treasures,
intimacies, cherishing
our relationship
but also giving me the Truth.
Sometimes I am angry with this lover,
the promises for joy, peace, freedom,
slipping through my fingers.
I have dark dreams
and hours of sorrow.
Trust wanes and I lose
faith in Us, in our goals.
Perhaps I have been waiting
for the kiss that leads to the castle.
That is the modus operandi
for relationship in the world,
the kind of savior who
revives you from
a batch of bad apples
you bought from a witch
when famished for Love,
As it is, the kiss I received
made me long for more,
for holy, blessed encounters,
for the fragrance and touch
of something Real.
Part of me woke in that embrace,
but my desire increased,
my need, more needy,
especially as I stumble
with pretense and mistake.
I have left many relationships
for this very reason,
wanting perfect safety,
the fulfillment of the promise
of everlasting union,
a sacred vow
for grace-filled hearts
heavenly vouchsafed.
I stop and consider,
Is The Course committed to me?
It calls for my attention
several times a day.
It rotates round and round
my worthiness.
In fact, I bring
the book into my bed,
under the blankets.
You think that is madness?
I will tell you of a woman
who slept with these words
underneath her pillow,
hoping to absorb them
in her heart
through the night.
Do you ever wonder
how many lovers seek
Him in the night?
How many gaze into
vast blackness
looking for a True Light,
dreaming a Daystar
will fall into their bed?
How many cry out for
the Words and the
Presence which wafts
from those thin pages,
looking as I do for the
man-God?
(Is that you?)
I must think about
an end to longing,
to reckless fervency.
I want just one kiss,
one Word to be
completely fulfilling.
I want The Course
to bring me
to consummation,
revelation that melts all the
heart’s desires into the sated Self.
This Book, oh, I know, I know,
it is the Author, not The Book
that seems to disappoint me,
but then I have learned,
it is my failure to fulfill His Words,
my failure to commit, to trust
that blurs my sight in this writing.
It is my temptation to dream
rather than obey,
to complain rather than listen,
to pretend the Jesus of these
letters is countless dimensions away.
This is the lie that infects the
bereft with wanting,
believing He is out there
rather than here now,
dotting these iiiiiiiii’s
I don’t know.
It’s really hard
to grapple with invisible lovers,
giving faith to prophecies
that can only be measured
by my own love pouring out.
Relationship with anything,
a book, a human being, a God,
takes courage.
It takes the will to join,
to let go,
to give yourSelf.
Something shiny inside me
says, Go for it!
Maybe this morning
I will put on my big girl dress,
and give to The Course
what I want.
Maybe I can offer what
it requests,
a bit of time each day,
a willingness to turn
from fear to Love
asking for Help,
dropping my expectations
but for One,
but for miracles.
Maybe I can offer the Author
something other than
stale projections from
broken relationships.
I am tired of being little in love.
He asks me to take my place.
Maybe I can give
the love I seek,
follow Its unbelievable
Belief.
Every day…
forgiveness, awareness.
Every day…
the willingness to join again,
even when the lover’s Words
do not gird up my heart and loins
with the strength of contentment.
Every day…
an opportunity to choose to Love
His Poetry, His Being, mySelf,
even when enlightenment
seems a galaxy away.
Doesn’t that work well
in every relationship?
Isn’t that the mantra
of all who take the vow,
as I turn down the coverlet,
let me choose Him/Her again?
Isn’t relationship the best
part of life?
Why would relationship
with God be any different?
Course in Miracles meets tonight, May 2, 2019
at my home. mbopenheart@aol.com